Picture this: you’re standing on a craggy cliff, wind whipping your hair around like a madwoman, and all you can hear is the rhythmic crash of waves below. You glance at the majestic lighthouse, white and proud against a deep blue sky, and you think, “If only these walls could talk…” Welcome to the UK’s historic lighthouses – the unsung heroes of our coastal narrative.
Allow me to walk you through a self-declared lighthouse crawl that’ll make you laugh, cringe, and maybe even roll your eyes at my travel mishaps, all while keeping your inner explorer alive.
Let’s kick off with the legend that is the Eddystone Lighthouse, just south of Plymouth. It’s like the celebrity of lighthouses. The original was built in 1698, but after suffering severe weather-related wear and tear (and probably a few storms that made your last bad hair day look like a gentle breeze), it was replaced. The current structure, standing proudly since 1882, is the epitome of British engineering.
Fun fact: Getting there involves a lovely boat ride, but I would recommend saving your last biscuit for the return trip. The seagulls are savages, and I lost a ginger nut the moment I turned my back. Those little buggers have no respect!
Quick Tip: If you’re around in July, consider popping into the nearby Devonport naval base for some classic British Navy history. Just be prepared; the tea is as ‘strong’ as a toddler trying to lift a dog.
Alright, after you’ve soaked in the sheer brilliance of Eddystone, let’s meet Smeaton’s Tower. This guy isn’t an actual lighthouse anymore but rather a beautiful piece of architecture on the Hoe in Plymouth. Built in 1759, it’s a dazzler with its red and white stripes. Climbing the 93 steps to the top can feel like your cardio for the year, but the view? Worth every puff and pant.
Nerd Fact: They used to keep a friction machine at the top to demonstrate how the lighthouse worked – makes you wonder how many engineers cracked a smile when explaining that one on school trips.
But Wait! My first visit here, I totally missed turning left and wound up in a café that claimed to serve “the best scones this side of Cornwall.” Spoiler alert: they really didn’t. I’m still bitter about the dry, crumbly disaster they called a scone. At least the jam was good.
Now, let’s get a bit more dramatic, shall we? Enter Portland Bill Lighthouse, where the cliffs seem to drop off into the ocean, and the storm clouds hang like an ominous cape. You can practically hear the foghorn moaning around here. Built in 1906, this spot has become iconic for more than its lighthouse; the surrounding nature reserve is peppered with little quirks. Keep an eye out for the stone-carving seabirds!
On my last visit, I totally wasted my time trying to snap the perfect Instagram photo. I climbed to a precarious spot only to realise, with my usual luck, that my brand-new camera decided this would be an excellent time to run out of battery. Moral of the story: charge your gadgets, kids.
However, I did find a lovely little café nearby called the Bill’s Café, where I had the absolute best cream tea. A warm scone paired with lashings of clotted cream? Yes, please! They should charge double for the happiness it brings, honestly.
Now, let’s skip over to the mysterious Orford Ness Lighthouse, which is a bit off the beaten path and often not on the average tourist’s radar. The lighthouse, originally built in 1792, has a certain eerie charm on this vast, windswept landscape. After all, it was once part science lab, part secret military base. They say the ghosts of military tests still wander these grounds.
You can visit on select days, and if you plan properly, you might even catch a guided tour. Just don’t forget to wear sensible shoes – the terrain can be as unpredictable as a cat on a hot tin roof. During my visit, I encountered mud that could rival quicksand. I left with my jeans adorned with what I like to call ‘Orford Chic’ – mud splattered and stylish in a very unconventional way.
And then there’s the stunning Bell Rock Lighthouse, off the coast near Arbroath, Scotland. This beauty is one of the oldest surviving sea-guardians in the world, built in 1810. Accessible only by boat, the thrill of getting there is half the fun. The lighthouse stands proudly above dangerous reefs, a beacon for seafarers and the odd adventurous tourist like myself.
Oh, did I mention I took a snack on board? A slice of cake from a bakery in Arbroath, of course. You could say I bundled up a few too many goodies; let’s just say the boat trip back was “interesting.”
Ending on a high note, or should I say a high cliff, we have South Stack Lighthouse in Wales. This one’s a beauty. Standing on top of sheer cliffs, it feels as if the lighthouse is looking out over the Atlantic, watching for lost ships and providing fabulous views of the surrounding landscape. You’ll have to tackle a few hundred steep steps to reach the base, which is a workout that makes you feel like you’ve conquered Everest (sort of).
Inside the lighthouse lives a little museum with fascinating details about life as a lighthouse keeper. They often got super lonely, so the keepers started breeding sheep? I wish I could say my trip was entirely without jaw-dropping discoveries, but I was within earshot of a sheep that would not stop bleating! What can I say? I suppose that adds to the ambience.
So there you have it: a whirlwind tour of some of the UK’s breathtaking lighthouses. From the yawning cliffs of Portland Bill to the wind-swept charm of Orford Ness, each lighthouse holds stories that deserve to be told.
You might go home with tales of your misadventures (trust me, I have enough for a novel), but you’ll also come away with a sense of appreciation for these enduring symbols of guidance and hope.
Have you visited any of these lighthouses? What are your quirky travel stories? Do share your thoughts below! I want to hear about your adventures and, of course, your best and worst tea experiences!
Happy travels, mate!
