So, you’re thinking about hitting up some theme parks in the UK? Fantastic choice! I’m here to spill the beans on my roller coaster escapades, the sweets I regret devouring, and those awkward moments that so often come along for the ride. Grab a cuppa (preferably a good one, unlike that dodgy cup I had at Alton Towers—seriously, it tasted like wet cardboard), and let’s get into it.
Let’s kick things off with Alton Towers. This place is often touted as the mecca of UK theme parks, and I can see why. From the moment you enter, you’re greeted by a mad mix of gardens, stunning architecture, and, of course, rides that will rattle your teeth out.
The first ride I hit was The Smiler. Oh my God. If you’re into loops, then this ride is your best friend. But if you’re like me and have a slight wobble with upside-down spins, you might want to stay close to the exit. The sheer number of inversions (14, if you must know) had me questioning my life choices. And don’t get me started on the CBeebies Land section—complete with dizzying spinning teacups that made me a tad queasy. Yeah, definitely not just for kids.
But the park isn’t all about adrenaline. Take a stroll through the gorgeous gardens. You’ll stumble across hidden corners and an eerie little maze that reminds me of that time I tried to impress a date and lost her halfway through. Who knew getting lost in hedges could be so romantic?
Also, pro tip: skip the mushy peas sold at food stalls unless you fancy a “mystery meat” surprise. Seriously, not every meal has to be an adventure.
Next up, Thorpe Park. If Alton Towers is the big daddy, then Thorpe Park is the cheeky cousin who’s always looking for a laugh. Packed with attractions, it’s like a playground for adults—if you ignore the squealing kids around you, of course.
You simply can’t visit without conquering Stealth, the UK’s fastest roller coaster. Picture this: you’re strapped in, heart racing, and boom! You’re off like a shot, hitting 0-80 mph in a blink. I screamed like a banshee. (I also accidentally yelled the name of my ex—a little embarrassing, but hey, the adrenaline was talking.)
Don’t miss Swarm either, especially if you fancy over-the-top theatrics and a cracked-up storyline about a loose swarm of bees. It’s a bit like an action movie but with a ride! Just don’t forget to hold on to your sunglasses—trust me, the wind won’t be kind to your accessories.
And here’s the best part: some evenings, Thorpe Park hosts Fright Nights, where all the rides get a spooky twist. Imagine zooming past terrifying actors in costume while trying not to spill your popcorn! Perfect for thrill-seekers and horror fans alike.
Even if you don’t have kids (or just feel like a kid at heart), Legoland Windsor is worth a visit. I mean, what’s not to love about tiny cars, castles, and assorted LEGO models? It’s like stepping into a fantastical world where everything has been shrunk down for your amusement.
Some highlights? The Miniland area will have you gobsmacked by the intricate miniatures of famous landmarks. I nearly mistook a tiny Big Ben for an oversized LEGO piece the size of a cookie! Just so you know, the Dragon ride is perfect for easing into the atmosphere—great for a gentle start before hitting the heavier stuff.
And if you’re anything like my mate Chris, who has an unnatural obsession with everything LEGO, you can spend hours building your own vehicle at the Driving School. Don’t forget to take a spin in the little LEGO cars; the freedom is exhilarating, even if you have to obey road rules. How unfair is that?!
Now let’s talk about Blackpool Pleasure Beach. It’s got charm, chaos, and the smell of fish and chips wafting through the air—what’s not to love?
I’ve got to mention the Big One. Spanning an impressive 235 feet, it’s a record-holder and will make your heart jump into your throat. By the end, I was shouting not just from thrill but pure bewilderment, thinking, “What kind of physics is this?!”
And don’t waste your time on the old-school arcade games in hopes you’ll win a plush toy. Spoiler: you won’t! Instead, just look at the colours and the sheer madness encapsulated in all those lights and sounds around you. They have a ghost train that’s more silly than scary. I laughed way too much while being vaguely terrified—because who doesn’t love cartoon skeletons?
The real hidden gem at Blackpool? The Pavilion Theatre. It often features live shows ranging from musical tributes to performance art—perfect if you just need a break from the rides… or a cheeky sit-down to regain your composure!
Last, but definitely not least, is Drayton Manor, a spot that often gets overshadowed but should absolutely be on your radar. There’s something delightful about its mix of rides and zoo, which is a combination you didn’t know you needed in your life.
Thomas Land is fantastic for the little ones—and, let’s be honest, the nostalgia hits hard. If you grew up watching Thomas and friends, this place is a dream. I may have sat in a blue train seat and pretended I was steering my own little locomotive, “All aboard the love train!”
The rides here are well-rounded. Whether it’s the dizzying thrill of Shockwave or the gentler Giddy Goat Coaster, there’s plenty to keep everyone entertained. Plus, their zoo with its cute animals served as a much-needed palate cleanser from the sugar rush of that sticky toffee pudding I couldn’t resist.
There you have it—my playful plunge into the thrilling world of UK theme parks. Whether you’re after crazy rides, charming attractions, or simply a place to feast on overpriced candy floss (seriously, why do I do this?), you’ll find some darling spots to make memories.
So, what adventure calls to you the most? Have you tried any of these parks? Or do you have a cheeky recommendation of your own? Let’s chat about it in the comments!
